To My Son {On My First Day of Maternity Leave}

To My Little Lion Baby,

img_6665Bent over in pain with small contractions coming and going yesterday, I was reminded of the week you were conceived. I left the reproductive endocrinologist’s office with you gently placed in my body, but with no guarantees as to whether or not you would be able to flourish and grow. Instructions for me included rest, stress-free days, minimal lifting/carrying, many hormone injections and patience as we waited for pregnancy results. And then your sister got sick. Sicker than she has ever been with days and nights of high fevers. And, in tears in the middle of the night, I asked the Lord how I could mother both of you. How could I rest for you? But simultaneously, how could I comfort and hold your sister through hours of feverish body aches?

And through my tears and exhaustion, His gentle whisper came. As it always does. The lyrics to a song that is always present if we care to listen.

I am holding your children,” He said. All of them. The ones that are already in Heaven. The daughter in your arms. The baby in your body.

img_7275And I knew in that moment that as mother of multiple children that I would always have to make choices as to who needed me the most in each moment and then trust that your ultimate care was in our Heavenly Father’s hands. Not an easy lesson. Not one that I’ve mastered or even come close to understanding yet.

But, despite the sleepless nights, you thrived, and now I’m nearly 39 weeks pregnant with you. I’ll be honest. I want you out. Want you in my arms. Want to snuggle you through the night. Want to fit into my shoes again. Want the pubic pain to end. Want the weeks of contractions and false labor starts to finally bring your birth.

I am a humbling weepy mess.

And so, with the support of my amazing staff at Baby and Company birth center, I chose to make yesterday my last day at work. It is time to wait for you from the comfort of my bed. To read books with Abby without a newborn in my arms. To take naps when I can’t sleep at night. To clean. And cook. And write thank-you notes for shower gifts. (Or perhaps to do none of these things at all.) And definitely to stop stepping on the scale 😉

~~~

You were chosen, Baby Boy. Loved. The most extraordinary gift this Advent season could possibly bring. And with expectation we wait for your arrival.

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9 thoughts on “To My Son {On My First Day of Maternity Leave}

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  1. Dear Lauren,
    Once again your words have touched me; filling my heart with God’s faithfulness. You will be in our hearts and prayers this month as you embark on this new journey of double blessings. We love you!

  2. Once again your words have blessed me; filling my heart with God’s faithfulness. You all will be in our hearts and prayers this month as you embark on this new journey of double blessings. We love you!

  3. Such an exciting time for you! You’re near the end. And despite the exhaustion and pubic pain and all of that, I hope you’re able to enjoy these final days, to soak it all in, because things are about to get harder and better all at once. I promise it’s worth it! Wishing you a wonderful and safe delivery! xo

    1. Thank you! Yes, I’m trying to remember that even as I anxiously await labor 🙂 I am ready to be done with pregnancy this time around, but every day is precious.

  4. Dear Lauren…. I almost can’t find the words to express my joy over the success of this pregnancy! With all you had on your plate this year you’ve come through like a shining star🌟!! You are a true inspiration as I know you give all the glory to God🙏🏼💕!! Congratulations on your near completion of what appears to be the perfect pregnancy! I can’t wait to meet this Lion Baby (and find out the genesis of that name)! I love you Lauren…. God bless you through a safe and easy delivery💖

    1. Thank you! Your encouragement means so much to me. His nickname “Little Lion Baby” came out visions the Lord gave me in prayer before he was conceived of this child being a gentle, but strong fighter. I have held onto that image during hard days and nights.

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